How to be like Tom
A general guide to shhh
You need to be incredibly noisy and boisterous at certain times
Usually around 8:35am and 4:15pm, you need to just start chatting shit, with no relevance to those around you, and at an impossible volume
Banter with Ryan
Make sure to ask him on a daily basis: "What do you do here exactly?" or "Do you actually do any work?"
Fuck the Alphabet
Who has time to spell things properly? If you are really a "Tom" your mind works too fast to adhere to rules and guidelines. Letters will go in where you fucking well tell them to!
Get stuck half way through an insult
Start off strong, and end up trailing off into gibberish: "Yeh well, you like... cook.. thing, with the... yeh"
No matter what, everyone is a bitch...
No matter who the person, what they've done, or what time of day it is, you must greet them with: "Yeh well, you're a little biiiiiiitch"
...apart from Mason, who's a little puss boy
No one actually knows what a "puss boy" is.
Update! We found out what it is!
A puss boy is a man who acts like a bitch, even has a period.
Be prepared for a long convo
When explaining a small code change, make sure to include your whole life story in great detail. Your colleagues will thank you in time... eventually... if they're still awake.
Make threats, that make no sense
“I’ll kill you all. You’ll regret it when you wake up dead!” Usually followed by calling them a bitch! (Or 'puss boy' ...Mason)
Develop an un-holy alliance with giant corporate companies.
Decide, at random that a large company is the best thing since sliced bread. Everyone needs to use them. Everyone must use them... or they'll die... in their sleep...
Define: Tom Boooogs
A "Tom Bug" is a bug that no normal human would ever find, even if they abused the website and themselves for years. Case in point: "Move the slider left, then right three times, then left once quick, then right twice, try to move it up, then left, then right, and then it breaks. All of the steps have to be done in 1.5 seconds"